Love Spells in Folk Magic: Ethics, Attraction, and Self-Love
What Is a Love Spell?
Love spells are one of the most common types of folk magic, and not only are there lots of ways they can be used and many types, but people have many opinions on the ethics of them. Today I will try to break down some ways to work with them so you can decide what might work best for you.
Why Use Love Spells?
There are lots of ways to work with love magic, some direct, and other ways that are more general. When I see traditional historical spells they are usually about keeping your partner or lover true.
One of the things that people often don’t understand is that until very recently, and I’m talking within my lifetime, women could not survive financially without a partner, or divorced women in many areas were judged or labeled social pariahs. Women couldn’t buy a house by themselves, apply for a loan, have a credit card, or rent a home without a male cosigner, and many other things. Even today, in some areas with the overturn of Roe v. Wade, people who have wombs may be forced to stay in difficult relationships.
Usually these days people are more interested in attracting love generally, or perhaps catching the eye of a particular person. Or you might just want to feel a bit more charismatic now and then.
Lover or Partner Attraction Spell
You’ll Need:
A written spell intention
Rose petals
Cinnamon
Optional charm bag
Optional essential oils (ylang ylang, lavender, clove, jasmine, patchouli, sandalwood, rose)
Spell:
I think these are most successful when you have two different components to the spell. A written spell intention that you work with and some type of general glamour magic that surrounds you.
Write something like:
By the powers of (insert a moon phase or love deity’s name) I call to be, a lover or partner that is right for me. I desire (fill in list of qualities).
In most spells, I like to follow that with the phrase “this or better.”
Add some type of ending phrase like “so be it.”
If you want, you can add a time frame, like by the passing of two full moons make this so.
Then you can either burn that intention with rose petals and cinnamon, asking the smoke to carry it far and wide.
Charm Bag Version
You’ll Need:
Dried rose petals in a charm bag with your written intention
And a few essential oils like:
Ylang ylang
Lavender
Clove
Jasmine
Patchouli
Sandalwood
Rose
Place your intention in a charm bag with rose petals dotted with any three of the essential oils. Then carry the charm bag, or place it in your closet or a drawer of your clothes. I always like to add one spicy flavor to love blends to get energy moving.
Glamour Bath for Love and Attraction
You’ll need:
2 quarts of tea made from love-drawing herbs like:
Oats
Rose petals
Lavender
Optional essential oils associated with love
Carrier oil such as olive or almond oil
Spell:
I see glamours as cloaking your energetic field with a particular flavor, and it’s a good follow-up to any love spell.
Usually these are done as baths, by making 2 quarts of tea of love-drawing herbs and things to make you more comfortable. Then pour the tea into the bath.
I really like oats for soothing and calm, rose petals for love and beauty, and lavender for calm and attraction.
You can also use any of the essential oils associated with love. Place several drops in a carrier oil like olive or almond oil and anoint yourself after the bath and whenever you want to call the energy of that glamour to cloak
Venus Friday Attraction Spell
If you want to work with deity or the days of the week, this is a nice one to try.
You’ll Need:
A candle of whatever color you associate with love or sex. Green and pink can be used, but red is strongly associated with passion. Some people associate indigo, white, or purple with a spiritual connection, or black for depth and deep understanding. Use what resonates for you. If you use beeswax you are also calling in sweetness.
Roses in a vase. The flowers represent love and the thorns protection.
Offerings of figs, honey, rose cordial or liquor, or coins.
Spell:
Perform on a Friday evening. Set up your altar and place your offerings, the flowers, and the candle on the altar. Place the coin in water as an offering to Venus or the spirit of love as you understand it.
Light the candle and clearly say what you are looking for. Try to feel the energy in your body as you light the candle and are speaking. You can list what is important to you, but again I like to end with something like “this or better.”
Let the candle burn all the way out, so pick a smaller size like a chime candle.
I often advise doing some divination to see if there are things you need to embody or release before you do a love spell. The next two spells are for those situations.
Self-Love Mirror Spell or Self Blessing
Sometimes past relationships or the culture can take pieces of us that make it difficult to feel worthy of love. Especially if we are socialized as female, or are othered by the culture in some way. There’s no substitute for good therapy, if it’s accessible to you, but these spells can help get things moving.
You’ll Need:
A small mirror
A pink or white candle
Rose oil or an oil blend associated with love
Spell:
Sit before the mirror, light the candle, and look into your own eyes. You can say, “I call love back to myself. I am worthy of love in all its forms,” then anoint yourself with the oil.
Let the candle burn all the way out, or get a larger candle and snuff and relight it every night from new moon to full moon.
Or you can add in a variation of the witchcraft five fold kiss, which was created as part of Wiccan ceremonies. To do a variation, pick five parts of your body you associate with your personal authority, love, and sex. Anoint each of the areas and say a blessing to that part of your body. It can be as simple as”I honor this part of myself”
Sometimes this brings up a lot for people. If it’s too much, stop and doing a clearing, let what you’ve already done settle and come back to it at another time.
Bath of Release and Invitation
I like baths for releasing and softening. Water affects our emotions and helps us dissolve what is ready to be released.
You’ll Need:
1 to 3 spoonfuls of sea salt
Dried rose petals or lavender in a natural fiber bag
A white candle
Fluorite to place on the altar
Rose quartz soaked in a quart of water for 15 minutes, then add the water to the bath
Spell:
Light the candle. Place the fluorite next to the candle. It doesn’t do well in water. Add salt, herbs, and the rose quartz water to your bathwater. As you soak, say something like:
“I ask the water to dissolve what is not needed and leave what is. May the herbs and candle’s flame open my heart and discernment to love.”
Snuff the candle and reuse for future baths or let it burn all the way out. I like to rinse the tub with more salt water, rosemary tea, or vinegar afterward to clear the old energy.
But Are Love Spells Baneful Magic?
The answer is complex. Baneful magic is about compelling someone to do something they would not normally do. There are no clear-cut answers in my view.
Personally I see love spells go wrong so frequently that I am dubious of someone’s ability to truly compel another person to be interested in them.
I have seen people who are doing a spell for someone new have a brief flare up with someone they broke up with, because that person was who they were holding emotionally when they cast the spell.
Some people feel that even if you are just trying to be noticed by a particular person and you cast a spell on them, that you are the one who becomes more interested. Which might be fine. If you are a shy person this might help you step things up a notch and put yourself out there. Or it could lead to frustration.
And sometimes even when someone who feels right to you shows up, they may not be ready for love or their own blockages might stop them from meeting you where you want them to.
But there are so many types of love spells. Self love, calling for a platonic love, or putting out the call that you are looking for something casual or serious. And I have seen people who did spells to call in love find their life’s partner sucessfully.
Magical Timing for Love Spells
Fridays are generally considered to be ruled by Venus or Freya, the deities of love in Rome and Northern Europe. But each culture has deities associated with love and sex and they may not be associated with a specific day of the week.
Waxing moon phases are good for calling in love and evenings are usually good times to cast love spells, but you can do them whenever you have the time and energy. Even waning moons can be used to release blocks that keep you from finding love of any type.
Creating a Magical Gate into the Human World
And as with any type of witchcraft, having a physical way for the spell to work is important. You need a way for the magic to find you. You could start by have a sensual or romantic dinner for yourself, where you really go for it with candles, scent, and clothes. Then carry something you wore out into the world
Or try putting some magical love oil on yourself and go out. If you find you are drawing too much attention that doesn’t feel right, wear a small protective charm containing herbs of love and a mildly protective herb like Rosemary
Final Thoughts
Love is complex and nuanced. There are so many kinds of love, and we live in a world that defines what it looks like in one particular way. Love can mean having a a strong commmunity or many other ways of being. I love seeing the way people are breaking stereotypes of what love looks like. May all of you be blessed with love in whatever form is right for you
Colette Gardiner
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